Is God teaching you something?

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What do you think of when you think of an addiction?

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Are you careful about how you use God's name?

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I Don't Know What Happened

A fiction story about a girl but could it be your story?
 

 I remember being little and seeing people do things that didn't make sense to me and I thought I will never do that. I would even ask my Mom, "Why do they do that?" and "I will never do that." As I grew, I began thinking I couldn't live up to the standards that my parents wanted me to live up to. The girls at school that I tried to be friends with would be nice for a while and then they would be mean. I would be mean at times also. I don't really know why. I guess I just wanted to get even or maybe wanted to be like them even though I knew it wasn't nice to be mean.

I had some nice boyfriends. I began to feel like I needed a boyfriend to be accepted. The other girls had boyfriends so it helped me feel complete. When things wouldn't work out with a boyfriend, I would get another one. This caused me to get into some relationships that were controlling. I felt complete in one sense but also imprisoned because I couldn't do things that I wanted to do.

I don't really think my parents did anything wrong in bringing me up. They tried to protect me from hurtful situations and keeping me from doing things that could be harmful to me. They took me to church every Sunday and then some. I think they did the best they could. I didn't have all that other kids had but I had more than some had so I guess I was average but I felt less than average most of the time. For some reason, I began blaming my parents for all the things in my life that I didn't like. I especially blamed my mom. This caused a lot of stress on our relationship.

Like any teenager, I wanted to be out on my own. I wanted to do my own thing and make my own decisions. I sought boyfriends that I thought could give me that freedom. I quit going to church and began doing things that were not good for me. I tried doing the college thing but could not stay focused. I began smoking and drinking just to fit in. I began to fit into the wrong crowd and choose the wrong friends. There was always drama going on. I began using drugs to feel good. I became depressed and didn't know how to turn back. I needed help but couldn't get real help. I didn't want to go to my parents because I didn't want them to know that I was doing drugs. Deep down I knew I was doing everything wrong but I didn't want them to know how much I messed up. I still wanted them to think I could do life my way and that I could make it on my own.

My parents would tell me how much they cared and that I should do things differently. I refused to believe that they cared and I didn't want to do things their way. They had too much of God and that seemed like too many rules to follow. I eventually gave in because my life was going nowhere but down. I began to go to church again and realized that God would forgive me of all the things I ever did wrong and that my parents would also forgive me. They never thought any less of me. They had faith that I would come around and begin to make the right choices. The rules that God asked me to follow were actually good for me and kept me from harm. I don't know why I ever thought I could do any better by doing it my way. God created me and He knows what is best for me. He has plans for me that have been satisfying and I feel like I am finally headed in the right direction. I have a job I like and am saving money since I no longer waste my money on drugs. I have been able to buy a new car and I have money to do the things I enjoy. My relationship with my family has improved and I am free to be myself. I love my new life and my family. I no longer blame them for things that went wrong in my life. I now realize it was the decisions I made that were wrong and that my parents do love me. 

I still suffer some consequences from stuff I did and am so sorry that I made those mistakes. I wish I would have done things right from the beginning but I can only look ahead and do my best with what I have left. I try not to fail, but I know if I stumble, God will help me get back on my feet and will always forgive as long as I am sincerely doing my best. I really have to think sometimes before I do things because I don't want to act on impulse anymore. I want to do the right thing. I have had to give up some friends and choose some new ones because it was hard not to slip back into my bad habits. My new friends have helped me reduce the drama in my life and have proven to be real friends instead of mostly thinking of themselves. I want to be that same kind of friend where I can help others be smarter about the decisions they make. Most of all, I have been able to find a boyfriend that is my best friend. I finally have someone that wants to have a relationship in the way God designed. We do fun stuff together and share our dreams and feelings. I want to do things in the right order this time because I feel like we were meant to be together. My past relationships have failed and I believe it is because I didn't understand that I shouldn't give myself away. If I found the right person, he would be willing to wait and invest his time and money into preparing a home and making a commitment that would last. I think I have finally found that right person.

Is it a good thing or bad thing to cry?

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